There’s no little man in our heads.
Neurologists and psychologists are understanding that the feeling of "being you" is constructed through brain activation in a collection of brain centers collectively called the Default Mode Network.
Unfortunately, this feeling of “being you” often involves self-doubt, anxiety, stress, anger, disappointment… lots of uncomfortable, unpleasant feelings. I call this the “sucky-self.” (As to why we are so down on ourselves, I explain below.)
But first, what I want you to know is: you are able to be without the sucky-self or any sense of self at all.
It’s a shift in perspective… kinda like white dress / blue dress.
Why does this matter?
For starters, you get to experience life with less fear and more joy.
Hey, high achievers: imagine being able to quiet down that self-critical voice, the bully in your head.
Our self-doubt is generated from remembering the past (that we’ve judged ourselves about) and projecting into future (that we’ve made up).
We time travel from past to future and back, creating this made-up distorted sense of self.
Our separate self is like the triangle in the Kanizsa Triangle Illusion. It doesn’t really exist.
I’m here to tell you that you can be without it.
In fact, most of us experience being without a sense of self already — when in flow.
Ever notice a musician on stage who has completely lost herself and is making funny faces or jerky movements? or ever really danced like no one was watching? Extreme situations like free solo climbing, delicate surgeries, near death — we are totally in the present moment... embodied, our awareness is in the present moment with little self consciousness.
The term “lost it” is pejorative but its meaning fits: we become completely and utterly swept up in the present moment - losing any sense of self... this happens during overwhelming grief, anger, and also joy. We “lose it”.
Well, what’s also true is that you can be completely still without the sense of self. This lets you experience and know that this state — being without the self — is available, always.
When the sense of self gets really quiet a shift in perspective can happen.
Suddenly… blue dress!
The Default Mode Network. Thank you, Wikipedia.
The dress in a photo from Caitlin McNeill’s Tumblr site.
Kaniza Triangle Illusion from Wikipedia.
This experience that I’m explaining to you now, I cannot really explain to you at all! It is like love of a child or first romantic love. Those powerful experiences that shift our understanding of what it’s like to be a human being... “Oh, so this is what it’s like to be a mom!”
Well, there are many experiences you cannot really know — really grok — unless you directly experience it. How about surviving a plane crash?
My point is, there are many experiences you haven’t had that, if you were to have them, you’d probably learn something new about the human condition… “Oh so this is what it’s like to fall from the sky!” Right?
So, you’ll agree, a shift in perspective is possible from an experience.
Well, there is an experience to have that can and does, often, result in a profound shift of understanding life, its meaning, and your place in it. I call it “waking up” like Sam Harris, author of the book, Waking Up, and my favorite meditation app with the same name.
Thoughts quiet down. The sense of self fades. The Default Mode Network quiets down.
Then, zoom, there’s a shift— blue dress.
(My first shift happened during meditation in the summer of 2018.)
Now, I can switch perspectives if I find myself caught in my sucky-self.
Ad campaign:
“Ruminating about the past? Try paying attention to the present moment!” [zoom in on some tender moment] ... The only moment that exists!
Yah, so shifting perspectives is possible.
Add to this wisdom that our self-referenced awareness is generally sucky.
Unfortunately most of us judge ourselves pretty harshly and that results in rumination and worry. The judgement comes from fear. Fear is wired into our dna. We have negatively biased brains that kept us vigilant and alive. Now, our negatively biased brains keep us sleepless and awkward.
Experiencing this being without self is to grok it, really know it in your bones. Once someone sees this, it’s an entirely different perspective of the human experience.
This experience can be profound, life changing, and with practice and integration it can lead to a life of less fear and more joy, more peace of mind, more confidence: a better life.
Life changing. Really.
You get to this experience of waking up through meditation, psychedelics, or an extreme experience that shatters your misunderstanding in an instant!
I “woke up”* through meditation. After that first time, I immediately had the insight that I could choose my thoughts and feelings. I climbed up a pole and walked across another one 35 feet in the air. I was not afraid. I could enjoy the view by staying in the present moment, knowing I was safe. Afterall, I was on belay, there was really nothing to be afraid of.
Just like you, dear reader, you are on belay. There’s little, if anything, to fear… definitely not that person’s judgment, the unknowable future, or your boss’s side-eye.
What could you achieve if you were not afraid?
Learn more on Tuesday, December 10, 6pm - 7:30pm in the Library in Industrious at Ponce City Market on the 8th floor, Old Fourth Ward, Atlanta, GA.
** or join us on Zoom https://zoom.us/j/274749031 **
*note! This is not the same as being “woke”! I’d like to think I’m woke too... but waking up is a shift in your fundamental understanding of the human condition.